Lover of the Dark

Twilight Chapter 1 part 2

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 21:40:22 GMT

The school does not escape her judgment either. According to her, it should have the feeling of the… institution, with chain-link fences, metal detectors, WTF?? Let me get this straight: Forks high school looks better than an institute and you don’t like it? This girl has issues… This information is useless and boring. I don’t care if where you park is off-limits, if it is too hot inside the office or if there is light! This writing kills me!

Let’s go fast forward a bit: Bella meets the secretary, she says that everyone expects her and she was a gossip around (DA FUCK?), info about the school, blah-blah…

WHY DO I CARE ABOUT THE CARS IN THE PARKING, GOD! YES, THEY ARE NOT FASHIONABLE CARS; THIS IS A MOUNTAIN, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!!! THE ISSUE IS THEM TO BE ENDURABLE AND PRACTICAL HERE!!!

Skip until she reaches the class: the teacher gawks at her for whatever reason (I’m getting VERY bad vibes from this), she finds Shakespeare, Bronte to be fairly basic, and things she has read already… wut. Time out.

Basic? These writers are BASIC? Then, what are the high-register writers? Vonnegut? Somehow, I doubt you are in post-modernism, Meyer… err, Bella.

Interaction with other people. Bella notices firstly the pimples and the oily hair of a guy, belittling him, nice. He’s friendly to her and it seems everyone is curious about her anD YES, I SEE NOW.

A Mary-Sue heroine in an angsty novel. The worst writing ever has been published, folks! Congrats, humanity, you never cease to shock me! After that, I expect lemons to become the hit of the decade…

So, as expected, everyone is obsessed with Bella for no reason, but because Bella is Meyer and Meyer writes to stroke her ego, like every butthurt fanfic writer out there, people try to eavesdrop her every word, they are so fascinated by her… I hate this. This is not normal, this is not logical, this is bad writing, this is FAIL.

Bella looks down to everyone until now. Her dad, this Eric guy, everyone is nice to her and she is bothered. Am I really supposed to feel bad for her, Meyer?? REALLY????

"You don't look very tan."

"My mother is part albino."

He studied my face apprehensively, and I sighed. It looked like clouds and a sense of humor didn't mix. A few months of this and I'd forget how to use sarcasm.

Oh, burn in hell; this is not sarcasm. This is simply stupid.

I’m skipping over small paragraphs that describe how everyone is nice to her and she hates it (BITCH!) until I reach some ginormous ones; hell, what is she writing now?

In the cafeteria, Bella notices some students sitting in the corner. What, were they getting punishment? Bad wording, Meyer. These students look toooootally uninterested in Bella, so she stares at them. Yet, she is pissed when other people stare at her.

Hypocrite.

She describes them in three long paragraphs, and it shows that we have to pay attention to them and not to the friendly students of Forks, since they got only pimples and names that were not even mentioned. Way to go, Meyer. Very subtle, indeed.

I gauge at the adjectives. They are SO. MANY. Apparently, they are white as chalk. And that’s not weird at all. And one of them is for a Sports Illustrated cover? This is a very poor comparison, Meyer. On the one hand, thinking how Bella is only about “in” things, I can believe how she linked the girl like that. On the other, someone who finds Shakespeare “basic”, either has read his works just to boast about it, and hasn’t gotten a thing, or she hasn’t read them at all and lies, which shows. If you are trying to make Bella sound sophisticated, you failed again, Meyer!

Bella is apparently very interested in the beautiful people who don’t give a shit about her, so she asks the uninteresting, non-beautiful people who are friendly to her about the beautiful ones.

HYPOCRYTE.

Enter the Cullens and they are supposed to have unusual names. Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, Emmet and Edward? Are you kidding me, Meyer? For what kind of idiot are you taking me? There are some of them here in Greece (Aliki = Alice) and they are very common. FAIL, Meyer. Damn, I should have kept a counting about that…

So, the beautiful people with the not-so-unusual names are foster kids of Dr. Cullen and his wife, four of them are together as couples, which is not weird at all, I tell you, and they are all weird, Jessica, a mortal “friend” says. Tell me about it, Jess! The way Bella/Meyer described them, it’s a miracle how no one hasn’t called the paramedics yet.

So, Bella finds them interesting, just because they are beautiful and because they do not give a damn about her and I’m convinced this girl has serious issues. She whines about not cool and not “in” things, she feels miserable when noticed by not glamorous people, she criticizes them, giving them only pimples and oily hair and no names and when obvious fashion icons appear, she asks everything about them, she describes them with flowery, purple prose, ponders over their names and gives them her attention. In other words, she finds only beautiful people worthy of her attention, regardless their behaviour.

What kind of a shallow ego, do you have Bella/Meyer (Belmeyer?)? Apparently, a big one.

This false humility disgusts me. And I’m afraid it is going to become worse.

Stories about the Cullens, Jessica doesn’t like them much, it seems Edward Cullen rejected her at some point at the past and now Jessica is all “sour grapes” and Edward looks at Bella “with unmet expectation” and I have no idea how the hell is someone able to recognize this expression and MOVE ON, DAMMIT!

Oi, wait. Check this out:

I felt a surge of pity, and relief. Pity because, as beautiful as they were, they were outsiders, clearly not accepted.

What the fuck “as beautiful as they were” means, bitch? Bella not-so-subtly implies that the Cullens should be accepted simply because they are beautiful and since they are not, they are being treated unfairly and they deserved to be called “poor Cullens!” FUCK YOU.

After a lot of chit-chat about the Cullens that did not make any sense, like that Dr. Cullen adopted them when he was 21, which is impossible; Bella FINALLY gets to Biology class.

… And the only bachelor of the group of the beautiful people is there as well, LE GASP. Oh, he glares at her! For no reason! HOW SUBTLE, MEYER, I COULD NEVER GUESS THAT HE, OF ALL PEOPLE WOULD TREAT HER DIFFERENTLY! Even so, whoever treats Bella Swan badly is my friend. Eddie, gimme five!

His eyes are “coal black”. Man, his irises shouldn’t be leaving any white on the eyeballs for her to notice this. Um, why is he beautiful and not a freak again? And “coal” my pimple ass, how come she didn’t call his eyes “orbs” is beyond me. Friggin’ purple prose…

Her hair smells like strawberries… HER HAIR SMELLS LIKE STRAWBERRIES!! I’LL COMMIT SEPPUKU! One by one, the Mary Sue elements appear and I’m in pure AGONY!

Bella sits next to the only bachelor of the group of the beautiful people, MEYER YOUR SUBTLETY KILLS ME!!!

WHEN will this end? I have better things to do than reading how Bella is so uncomfortable and hurt because the beautiful bachelor treats her badly; like wear leggings. BTW, I applaud you, Eddie. I cannot stand her either. Glare with all your might!

The class seemed to drag on longer than the others.

I KNOW. GET TO THE END, DAMMIT!

FINALLY, the bell rings, Eddie scrams and Bella feels butthurt, because somebody didn’t dare to treat her like the special creature she is, I’m sure.

He was so mean. It wasn't fair.

Shut up, brat.

Enter Mike, new non-beautiful guy, so he doesn’t get much description or credit, even though Bella admits he was “the nicest person [she] had met” and I could finally find something approvable to Bella, only to be crushed that she liked him because he was from California, ha, another outsider! …only he is NOT, Bella.

And when Mike mentions Eddie, he becomes annoying in a heartbeat. GOSH, I HATE Bella!

I’m FINALLY in the last page. Bella sucks in volleyball, she whines about it again, and when the school is over, Eddie again! What a loyal customer… He is in the office, trying to rearrange his schedule. Bella gets in an annoying denial how could she not be the reason he was so pissed, how it could totally be something else entirely, how it was impossible that it was her…

Fucking hell, even though she says she was not the cause of anything, she still becomes the center of everything by denying it in a ridiculous rate! How does she DO that?

Once Eddie realizes she’s in the room, she glares and vamooses again and I like this creepy guy if he continues like that.

Bella is ready to cry on her way home in her truck, ah, perfect! An entire school welcomed you with open arms and you belittled them, while when the beautiful ones either do not care, or they do not treat you accordingly, you whine, call them mean and unfair and cry!

ATTENTION WHORE! HYPOCRITE!! SHALLOW BRAT!!!!

Meyer thinks that she has made Bella sympathetic, but I am not an idiot honey, no matter what you may think. We are supposed to feel sorry for her because her life is SO HARD, but the only one I feel sorry about is Charlie for having such an ungrateful, prissy brat for a daughter. I don’t give a damn about the poorly described Cullens (Sports Illustrated, RLY?), I approve Edward’s behavior, even though it didn’t give any reason for this, but at this point I don’t even care and I want to strangle Bella to save me the rest of the story. Alas…

Nosferatu Alucard, give me strength!! T0T

Ah, much better… >w<

To be Continued in Chapter 2, Part 1

Twilight Chapter 1 part 1

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 21:33:04 GMT

What I will write below is something that it has been done quite a number of times before and from people whose first language is the English one, unlike me. That, automatically, puts me in a bad position. Probably, I won't be adding anything new in this big club of criticism at all. I simply wanted to convey my feelings on paper (electronic or not :-P), for they are some things I have been having in my chest for some time now. To whomever reads this, I hope you enjoy this, nonetheless.

twilight

(criticism)

Chapter 1: First Look (part 1)

I think I know where the title refers to. No loosing time to get to the romance, eh? And boy, the chapter looks long…

So, we open with first person narrative, but I know from the prologue that it exists for an entirely different reason than the one it is supposed to be; convey feelings directly. What purpose is supposed to serve here, we’ll see.

The protagonist’s mother taking her (by now, I know it’s a she) to the airport with windows open and the protagonist (name? I really need it by now) describing her clothes… why, I have no idea. She is wearing them “as a farewell gesture”, which makes sense if you think she’s going to the airport.

Why should I care that you carry a parka?

We have a description of the location Forks is in, a small town, cloudy weather… wow, this sounds really cloudy. I searched it in a map. Looks top north in the US, I suppose this could be right. Adjectives galore! Yes, it is a description, so adjectives are on their way, but from all this negativity they give out, I am freaked out.

It was from this town and its gloomy, omnipresent shade that my mother escaped with me when I was only a few months old.

Um… are you sure you want to word it like this, Meyer? Because really, what I picture in my head is a town similar to the one in the “Silent Hill” movie… Isn’t this an existing town with people who might be offended by this? And ‘escaped’? As in, she was a prisoner? Heavens, what is this Forks town, anyway?

Hey, wait…

It was in this town that I'd been compelled to spend a month every summer until I was fourteen. That was the year I finally put my foot down; these past three summers, my dad, Charlie, vacationed with me in California for two weeks instead.

HOKAY. I see it now. The rainy Forks compared with one of the richest, most glamorous and sunny and “in” states in the US.

You are whiny, aren’t you?

Because, seriously, you want your father to spend two weeks in one of the most expensive states with you, he does so and you use strong words about Forks, like you ‘exile’ yourself there. Putting aside that I have no idea why you are going there, when you obviously hate it, when you compare California with something you have just described, Forks in not such a terrible place: it is just not “in”. You feel terrible because you are going to spend time in a non-“in” state.

Jesus…

Yes, you hate Forks. Trust me, there was no need for you to tell me; the way you just described it screams it.

Um, wait, why are you going there when you don’t have to, like your mother says? Oh, and your name is Bella. How… convenient. I sense something here…

You lie and you are bad about it. You said you want to go when your mother says you can stay. Yet, you insist! Honestly, I do not understand this Bella girl…

Your mother looks like you? As far as I am concerned, the genetic data are passed from parent to child, not vice-versa! How about you say you look like your mother, or something? And this doesn’t help, either. What do you look like and your mother is the same only with laugh lines? God, this is a mess…

How could I leave my loving, erratic, harebrained mother to fend for herself? Of course she had Phil now, so the bills would probably get paid, there would be food in the refrigerator, gas in her car, and someone to call when she got lost, but still…

Yes, I have indeed come across such people. People who are completely lost to their world, irresponsible, and forgetful exist all around the world. But, honestly, the way you describe her is like the woman has sclerosis! How do I know? My grandmother had it! And “harebrained”? Honestly, even if it sounds endearing, this word choice is way too strong. What’s with Meyer and such vocabulary?

No word in the absolutely sexist undertone. She will be fine since she has a man to take care of her. Tsk.

Who is Charlie? Am I supposed to know?

"I'll see you soon," she insisted. "You can come home whenever you want — I'll come right back as soon as you need me."

But I could see the sacrifice in her eyes behind the promise.

I have absolutely no idea what you have just said here… sacrifice what? Coming back where? Aren’t you the one to leave? Wait, the mother is gone and we get straight to the flight. When did that happen? The way this reads is like her mother vanished into thin air and the plane ate her.

She is worried about the ride in her dad’s car. I am supposed to believe that her dad is someone oppressive, who kept his wife in that gloomy hell against her will, but I’m not. If that was so, she wouldn’t go to him willingly (she actually insisted when it was not necessary) and he wouldn’t give a damn about how she would reach the house, or go to school. Because he totally gives her a ride, he is pleased Bella has come and he has already registered her into the local high-school. Not to mention he is going to buy her a car. A car. Of her own. At the age seventeen, as I am informed by the summary. Seriously, girl, living there does not sound so bad when you have someone who supports you like this. From the above, I conclude that this “escaping” her mother did, was her freaking out about routine in a place that is not “in”. Her mother is a brat. Effin’ marvelous.

Yet, Bella continues to feel uncomfortable. Why?

But it was sure to be awkward with Charlie. Neither of us was what anyone would call verbose…

“Verbose”? Don’t you mean “talkative”, “social”, not even “open”? Also, what kind of 17-year-old talks like that? I may be Greek, but I know “verbose” is not the first choice in English teen’s vocabulary.

Anyway, I see what you mean about awkward silences. Or not.

Because after she mopes around more about the raining and informing us how she “hadn’t made a secret of her distaste of Forks” (oh, I believe you!), her dad, the police Chief welcomes her with a smile, he’s happy to see his daughter and asks about her mother and her. He is totally happy and looks caring.

And Bella says she’s “not allowed to call him Charlie at his face”.

HUH?!

Girl, the man is good to you from the beginning, he’s OPEN, he TALKS, so 1) screw that he is not “verbose” (this word choice kills me), 2) he follows you in California to please your whims and you won’t even call him with the term all fathers eager to hear from their children, “dad”? You are damn hostile to this kind man! Why? What ELSE do you want this man to do to speak of him in positive terms? Get you a pony and your own maid?

Bella and ~~Charlie~~ ~~her dad~~ Charlie drive to Forks and he tells her about the car he bought for her, and I want to smile to this good dad, but Bella won’t let me, because she’s totally not grateful. She also says that a good car “for her” is not the same as a good car in general, which damn if I know what it means. He explains he bought her from his Indian friend Billy and when Bella does not remember him, he reminds her that they were taking her to their fishing trips. Bella thinks:

That would explain why I didn't remember him. I do a good job of blocking painful, unnecessary things from my memory.

What are you, Bella, moldy? How the devil is going for fishing a “painful” thing? I already wrinkle my nose at her behavior. I don’t like her very much.

Okay, wrong, I don’t like her at all. When Charlie says that Billy is in a wheelchair, she asks what year is the car. OI, BITCH! Even if you really do not remember the man, a little tact there, missy! People, good people, sympathetic people ask how this happened and show concern! Screw “verbose”, you do not even know the social rules! Charlie, on the other hand, is great, I approve.

This is one of the reasons I do not like first-person narrative: the narrator may be completely unreliable. Beautiful Swan (meh) here is one glaring example. She tells us one thing, it shows the opposite. Mind you, not all first-person narrators are like this. This pushes it very much.

Anyway, they continue to talk about the car, (the thing, as Bella refers to and it reeks of ungratefulness so much, I’m getting pissed) she says she was going to buy a car anyway (How the hell is that possible? With what income?) When FINALLY she has asked everything she wanted in an interrogation tone, Charlie says he wants her to be happy and then we get this:

"That's really nice, Dad. Thanks. I really appreciate it." No need to add that my being happy in Forks is an impossibility.

Oh, go to hell. WHAT did you expect from the monthly allowance of a police chief of a small town? A Ferrari? Or a Lamborghini? NOT to mention that right now, her insistence of him traveling for two weeks in California shows her selfishness. It must have cost him… GOD knows how much!

You ungrateful little airhead!

We continue with a description of the place, at long last. Let me see this horrible town… HEY! Green everywhere? Tall trees? Ground covered with ferns? What the hell, Meyer? Is this the gloomy, omnipresent shade you were talking about? You do say it’s beautiful! And it actually is! This narrator is WAY too unreliable! But, oh, I see the problem! It is not “in”, a large green forest in the North is SO much “last year”… Nothing like California, eh Bella?

Check this out: Even the air filtered down greenly through the leaves.

This is stupid to the point of hilarity.

Finally they reach the house and she sees the car, a truck and she is surprised she likes it. “Surprised” that those non-glamorous things can have a certain appeal, ha? Bella actually does sound grateful and thankful FOR ONCE, but it is immediately taken down by the reason:

Now my horrific day tomorrow would be just that much less dreadful. I wouldn't be faced with the choice of either walking two miles in the rain to school or accepting a ride in the Chief's cruiser.

So doesn’t care that her father paid it all for her, she doesn’t feel truly grateful and touched because he had to spend once again GOD knows how much money for her, all she thinks about is that SHE won’t LOOK ridiculous riding in her father’s car, or that she won’t walk a bit more! Lazy-ass, pampered brat! And traveling in a police car is cool, moron!

Bella gets in the house, she describes it small and full of memories and she feels bad for having to share a bathroom with her father. How the hell did you share a bathroom with your mom and her new lover?

Ah, wonderful! The pleasant expression before was a pretence and she goes all emo once Charlie leaves her to unpack alone! Girl, aren’t you the one who insisted on coming here WHEN YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO? She angsts about how she’s going to be the new girl and “the freak” and I want to facepalm. Be the new kid in a new neighborhood with new people around? Been there, done that. You face it with a smile and off you go! Instead, Bella mopes and agonizes and I agonize too, for I was TWELVE when it happened; you are SEVENTEEN, grow some spine! And she’s gonna cry herself to sleep? If she recites an emo poem and sings it, I’m outta here.

Finally, her description! …and it starts with stereotypes. No, not all Phoenix girls are blond, tanned and cheerleaders, I’m sure. This is the same as saying that all Greeks are lazy, hairy and tanned. I hate stereotypes SO much!

So, she describes herself as the opposite of this stereotype. *bitchslap* YOUR OWN APPEARANCE SHOULD HAD TAUGHT YOU THAT STEREOTYPES ARE BULLCRAP, MORON! YET, YOU BECOME EMO ABOUT IT, FEELING LESS WORTHY! God, this girl has no spine at all!

Um, wait… her skin is ivory? Oh, lord, no. What else? Raven hair? Jade green eyes? I see the fanfiction writing galloping. And she sucks in sports. Bravo, so do I and Greeks are supposed to be extroverted people, full of energy and stamina. You lose.

What’s with you and skin colors? She sees herself on the bathroom mirror and…

My skin could be pretty — it was very clear, almost translucent-looking

WHAT? What the devil are you, a zombie and your skin doesn’t hide your veins? Ew. Oh, and pale people can be good-looking. It depends on people’s TASTES. Ever heard that beauty is subjective? Oh, no? I thought so…

She continues moping about herself and I feel very tired. She cannot hang along with people of her age (gee, I wonder why), she says she sees things differently (I agree, far more depressingly and emo-ishly) and that’s because she has probably because she has “a glitch in [her] brain” and I don’t know whether I want to be amused or facepalm again. Get an MRI and quit complaining, will ya? It’s annoying. YOU’RE annoying.

Yes, she cried herself to sleep. I haven’t finished the first chapter and she has tired me to death already.

I know what Meyer tries to do: she wants me to feel bad for Bella, to sympathize with her bad luck and say “Aww, the poor thing!” FAIL, Meyer. Bella has one single problem: she’s an immature, snobbish, selfish brat. Long story short, SHE’S the problem! You have failed miserably to make me feel bad for her, because she whines for reasons that are so going to disappear if she gets out of her shell JUST a little bit! If she looks around her, she’ll see that Charlie is a sweetheart, Forks beautiful and she got a car only for her. Yet, she cries “WHOE IS ME!”

I hate her.

After complaining how the wind doesn’t let her sleep, it’s morning… um, when did that happen? What’s with the running time, Meyer? And for pity’s sake, I’m not an expert in US geography, but Phoenix is placed close to the sea and next to a desert! You cannot convince me that there was no wind in a country that gets twisters every now and then in its open areas! So much as to make the wind a big issue here!

Breakfast with Charlie was a quiet event. He wished me good luck at school. I thanked him, knowing his hope was wasted. Good luck tended to avoid me.

I HATE HER. QUIT MOPING WOMAN, I DON’T FEEL SORRY FOR YOU AT ALL!

Oh, great. When Bella sees some photos of her family in the house, she wants them down. For someone who hates being here, you sure act like you own the place.

Why should I care that your jacket has a biohazard suit feel?

She whines about the sound her boots make in the rain (FOR FUCK’S SAKE!), about her truck… Lord, this is boring. Every detail talks about how horrible her day is. Meyer, how could you write this and not commit suicide from boredom? Do you like complaining and whining that much?

Continued in part 2...

Not that I complain...

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 20:31:31 GMT

Since this is spectacular... ... but why the HELL isn't MadHouse concerned about spoilers? Yes, showing such stuff is actually captivating, but DAMN, they gave out 90% of the OVA episode! At any rate, this Christmas will be the best I had in a while. SO FUCKING EXCITED!!!

Stephenie Meyer's fail

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 20:27:18 GMT

From das_mervin 's journal, about Meyer's comments. I was shocked and speechless from this woman's idioticy. My ten tokens about her sayings. Read first Mervin's journal first.

Meyer compares the romance between Edward/Bella and Westely/Buttercup:

Actually Bella and Edward love story is better than them.

Since they are completely obsessed with an image of each other that they have created in their heads, ignore the wishes and wants of each other... err, wait.

When I was in college I wrote a lot of papers from a feminine perspective (it’s an easy way to write)

Something tells me this is a typo and she wanted to say "feminist". Which scares and angers the hell outa me.

Meyer about the Elizabeth/Darcy romance. She called it "pretty good"...

except you should think that if either one of them dies the other one will carry on bravely,

"Except"??? You mean, finding the courage to carry on with their life is a drawback in their relationship? I...*facepalm*

and Romeo and Juliet were kind of idiots, they didn’t know each other very well.

Does she REALIZE that she has said herself in her story (through Bella, or course), that this is how Edward and Bella are? Does she realize she's called her characters idiots?

And Anna Of Green Gables and Gilbert Blythe (Anna dai capelli rossi),but they are much more like Jacob and Bella, they’re friend they get the nerves of each other a lot.

I'm at an awe. She has just admitted that J/B is alike one of the best couples I've encountered in a book. Evolving, with good foundation and dynamic. She also says that as long as you do fight, it is a bad relationship. Riiight... Meyer, dear, arguments can actually be THEURAPEYTIC for a couple. Your E/B could use some, INSTEAD OF NOT TALKING AT ALL ABOUT THEIR PROBLEMS AND STAYING IN A NERVE-BREAKING SILENCE! HOW OLD ARE YOU, MEYER, 15?

Not some ordinary high school romance, not some random jock boyfriend, not anyone at all replaceable.

Apparently, she does not believe in emotianal evolution. She cannot comprehend how a friendship and companionship can involve passion and romance at some point. Apparently, she hates change. Ha. No wonder she has made being a vampire the best thing ever: you do not change. Meyer, dear, without change, without evolution, the only option is DEATH AND DECAY. THERE IS A REASON WHY THE VAMPIRES ARE CALLED "UNDEAD"!

Meyer on vampire restraint towards drinking human blood:

I think you’d snack now and then, I know I would.

What the hell do you know about me, bitch? If YOU have so litte self-control and you obay to your whims, this does not apply for everyone! There are people who are actually strong and dedicated not to do something! And guess what? They can be women, too!

I think it was just that I loved my characters so much, and they were so real to me, that I wanted other people to know them, too.

My train of thought exactly when I was writing at the age of 13. I think her mental age becomes clearer and clearer.

“I think one of the most frustrating things about my confident, self-assured husband is that he is not in the least bit threatened by my devotion to Edward and Jacob,

Confident, self-assured...oh, you're married to Eddikins! Um, wait...And not being threatened by a fictional character...wow, the nerve of this guy!

Pancho just grins and says, ‘You do that, Steph.’”

He sounds like an ass, but at least he's smart.

“I am not anti-female, I am anti-human.”

...and I'm anti-stupid. *kicks Meyer into the stratosphere*

And it's anti-feminist, for pity's sake! This actually makes me believe that the whole "writing from a feminine perspective " IS a typo and she actually meant she wrote feministic essays... ERROR! CANNOT COMPREHEND MESSAGE! *brain explodes*

“And stalking doesn’t scare me. I’ve never stalked anyone (yet) but I think I would be AWESOME at it.”

"Yet"? DEXTER! I'VE GOT A JOB FOR YOU!

“When you have very strong characters, they just decide the story themselves.”

Then how did Jacob end up with a hellspawn, when the romance (or at least, deep companionship) between him and Leah was blooming in BD?

When Meyer attempts to answer the accusations of Edward being abusive and controlling:

It is difficult to read things that take such a negative spin on something that is very personal and also makes a lot of sense inside your head.

Meyer: It makes sense for me! How do you DARE not to understand it as well? WHY CAN'T EVERYONE ELSE BE LIKE ME????

Fuck you, Meyer.

He never quite finds the balance because he’s so black or white about everything.

Yes, there ARE people with this mentality. Do you know who they are, Meyer? THE CHILDREN BELOW 10 YEARS OLD! When puberty hits, poeple start to see the gray areas. Your dream-man, has the mentality of a TEN-YEAR-OLD.

and to think of him as either mean or controlling or having any kind of neg- wanting to impact Bella’s life in a negative way is really not how his character is.”

In Eclipse, when Jacob implies Edward and Bella are in an abusive relationship, by saying he has seen a documentary about it, Bella evades the argument and sends him away instead. Notice that this is what Meyer does here as well. SHE CANNOT ARGUE AGAINST THIS. She is simply in denial, but she has realized this herself and simply doesn't admit it.

You are SUCH an epic fail, Meyer.

Meyer on happy and sad endings:

“It doesn’t always work out that way. Sometimes you make a decision about what you want and you pay for it and you suffer for it and it doesn’t work out.

C'est la vie. Welcome. Shit happens.

If people wanted a really depressing, tragic ending, I gave them a lot of hints that it wasn’t going to be that way. They really shouldn’t have been surprised!

Meyer: WAAAAHH! These people do not understand me!! WHAAAA! How DARE they??? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

Faggorty to the maximum.

This is too awesome...

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 13:27:45 GMT

Taylor Lautner had the ~~bad~~ luck to take the role of Jacob Black in the movie adaptations of the Twilight saga. Poor boy, he's going to be marked for all his life...

However, when he takes part is such shows...

~~I will love him until the end of time. Seriously, I will!~~

Meh, they have taken the video down... here is the link from Twilight Lexicon: http://www.twilightlexicon.com/2009/12/13/taylor-lautner-snl-team-edward-vs-team-jacob-sketch/

Twilight "preface": It's obvious

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 13:12:41 GMT

There are many sporkings, criticisms and whatnot about Twilight, the new mania of the female population regardless of age. They analyze it chapter by chapter, giving people their opinions and insight about the contents.

There are some truths about Twilight: the bad writing, the outrageous grammatical errors, the rape of the thesaurus, the "say, rather than show" mistake, the completely inappropriate first-person narration... Whomever has read any of those articles surely knows how this goes.

However, it is not necessary to read the whole thing to realize the above. The "preface" of the very first book betrays most of the running errors in all the four books.

I read the first page of the first book and I analyze as I did when i had first read it. I had little idea about the details of the story and style, so I opened the .pdf file with a neutral mind. Follow me as I realize all the horrors of bad writing and whatnot just from the very first page.

We begin with a Bible quote from the Genesis about the forbidden fruit and I suppose this goes on par with the cover of the book, the apple. Oh, yes, the temptation that was the knowledge that brought Adam and Eve's heaven at an end… I suppose this is a destruction story, then? An ideal life that is shuttered by an ugly truth?

Oh, a preface… so the author says… um, the author had never given much thought to how she would die? Wait, I do not understand this… Past Perfect tense, so this means that it is an act that has taken place before another in the past… the author wrote the book and died? Then how were the rest of the books published?

Before I let myself become even more confused, I read on… OH, FOR PITY’S SAKE! This is not a preface, this is a prologue!

pref•ace: an introduction at the beginning of a book or speech
pro•logue: an introduction to a play, long poem, etc.

-Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English

I suppose you can see the difference.

One word inside the book, and I already facepalm. You see, the fact that this is a prologue mistakenly titled as a preface says a lot of things. The first is that the editor of this book is non-existent. In other words, this book was not edited. Something impossible in the world of publishing. Then again, I refuse to believe that a professional editor would miss something like this. Either this or this person needs to be fired immediately. Unless Meyer herself insisted on it being called 'preface'? If that is the case, then this 'reface' runs indeed as a prologue and Meyer herself views it as a very personal introduction. For if 'preface' is where the author says some things about his/her work, then how much identified is she with the protagonist? I think I guess the protagonist's sex: female. Oh, dear…

Secondly, there are many different prepositions in English for a reason, dear Meyer. Each of them expresses something different, as it is obvious from the explanation I put over there. And from what I am informed, you have mastered in English? Pardon me; I have too, when English is not even my third language. Hell, I have no other language than Greek as an official one! And yet, I happen to know this difference, albeit I do not, sometimes, recognize which exactly it is, on the contrast with you, who are an American. This does not say much about the author's skill and knowledge on writing techniques.

Thirdly, this is first-person narration. I usually do not like such narration, for it tends to get cloudy and it is always affected by another's point of view; the protagonist's. I prefer to draw my conclusions alone from an omnipotence view. Of course, if written right, it could provide us with an excellent inside look on a character, but said character must be round, well-developed and the POV have to serve a certain purpose.

Nevertheless, this book was published with this error. Unless it is a literary trick, similar with some I have been taught in post-modernistic writing, it is definitely a bad omen about the quality of this work. And I know that this book is not post-modernistic. I am already scared of what I am to witness further, given I am still in the first word!

Anyway, the prologue (I refuse to call it preface, no!) is very vague and it describes what is supposed to be an intense scene: it talks about thoughts of death as the protagonist walk towards a hunter with dark eyes that looks pleased. Only this is exactly the problem: it describes which is what a third-person narration does. Since this is first POV, it was supposed to channel us the feelings, emotions and thoughts of the narrator. Yes, this is supposed to be an intense scene, but it is definitely not. Maybe the narrator is suicidal? But, it says that s/he is “terrified” and whoever has made their mind about killing themselves do not feel terrified; they feel relieved. I am sorry, but this is not the tone and narration of a terrified person. Screw post-modernism. This is downright bad writing.

The hunter smiled in a friendly way as he sauntered forward to kill me.

Two things:

Not even an exclamation mark? Aren't you supposed to feel terrified to be killed against your will? Where is the pathos about this fear –the biggest fear a living creature has- from the first person narration? Is the writing really that bad?

I am not trying to judge your vocabulary, Meyer, for you are a native speaker and I am not, but isn't 'sauntered' the word to describe a relaxed walk in the park, or something like that? If the hunter did so, how did that terrify you, when he even smiled in a friendly way? Is this really the way to describe terror from a first-hand perspective? Terror clouds your thoughts, you panic. Isn't 'sneak', or 'stride' the appropriate word for creating a menacing atmosphere as the one the protagonist is supposed to feel? Are we really supposed to believe this person is frightened?

If we are, I am deeply sorry Meyer, you cannot make me. And I find that we are supposed to feel a lot of things here, when we obviously do not…

As a scene itself, it is quite interesting. Someone has to die for a noble cause, it stops exactly when the killer approaches…

As a style… it kills it.